Member Stories

HI my name is Uzma but I go by Uzi. My pronouns are she/her/hers. I'm 20. I'm gonna be a junior in college soon, and my mental health story began when I was about 6ish when I lost my first grandparent and uncle. I was too little to understand what happened or what death was but I knew I was upset and it was hard to cope with it.  I was also sorta abused by the nannies and teachers growing up and family members as well as family growing up. and also physical and vocal hurt and we moved to usa after all of it ,we still visit family but not live there because of hate and the past  and after that I was doing better because of how much support I had after that ,I lost my uncle and that happened when I was I think 10 or 11 and I had a hard time because I was very close to him after that. I was very closed off I bottle everything inside, and then I lost another uncle and at that point if let the world around me I was losing everyone I loved and I tended not to get attached to anyone or talk about my problems because I was thinking everyone would see i'm different or crazy for talking about my problems and when I started elementary school up until third grade I loved life and I was never bullied and I started a private charter school and I started fourth grade and things turned for the worst I was severely bullied and my family would apply to other character school due to the bullying ,and as fifth sixth and seventh and eighth grade went on the bullying was worse and I didn't really have friends or anyone to talk to about anything and ,my family would tell the school that they would pull me from the school and they tried but something inside me wanted to stay despise the bullying ,but  because if I left that meant the bullies won and I was not about to let that happen. The day despise all of that I had a support team and counselors who were there even if I barley talked to them as I was graduating the couples hours before I was on my phone and found out my grandpa passed away I was mad at my family for not telling me he died ,and after graduation I was upset and mad at the world and I was very depressed didn't know why this happened to me and I didn't wanna talk to anyone about it I thought maybe if I kept it in it would go away and It didn't go away it made it worse and then high school started and I thought maybe this was my fresh start and low and behold I was wrong I was bullied all of high school for the way I looked and the way I dressed and the way I talked and I felt so alone but I still bottled it up inside till I got a counselor and a social worker .I would be pulled out of class either with the social worker or speech therapist or counselor up until I graduated and in high school I would eat in my favorite teachers classroom because I didn't wanna eat at all because of the bullying and what family would comment about the way I looked and I needed to lose weight so would restrict eating only eat once or twice a day after high school towards the end I lost two of my aunts and my grandma and that's when things got so bad I was barley eating and started self sabotaging and was lost and the online bullying continued on and off person and I finally said enough and tried to do something stupide and I said goodbye to all my friends and my friend called the right services for me and had the departments at my house and after that I got a new counselor and threpaiest and a physiologist and I was diagnosed with add add a little bit of ptsd  and childhood trauma depression anxiety and also was on a meal plan to help me and now im open with my friends and family so they can help me and I talk to them when im not doing my best sometimes I journal to write it all down also now im a college freshman and yes sometimes college is lonely for me but I try to keep myself busy like my mental health advocacy work with companies and work  and sports and classes and homework and clubs and social media and my personal life and  traveling and friends and family and helping people ,as well and reminder to everyone it's okay not to be okay just not okay to stay there also now that I’m in college since the college loneliness hit me I try to distract myself and keep busy and still go to therapy and taking a breaks when I need it and to help my mental health after my sophomore year I’m taking a break to persuade a big dream of mine.if anyone needs someone needs anyone to talk to or any questions hit my social media up now a sophomore i'm going to graduate after one year college is what you make it so do what you love in college i'm a college athlete and a mental health advocate and somewhat of an influencer. I also found outlets for my emotions which are always new and I also journal.I recently went on a trip and i wasn't prepared to learn what i did i learned how to take care of my mental and physical health and about eating and how to not let things get to my head and i also learned how to manage homesickness and how to deal with grief again and how to handle bad news about my family and when i came home i ended up leaving my sport because it was affecting my mental heath and happiness.now i'm becoming a better me and as my story continues on i would like to add as a now sophomore/junior i learned a lot since the trauma here where i lived happened I was bottling up my emotions until that trauma happened and i finally had a downward spiral and i was on constant watch and after that i finally talked to my therapist about everything and i also let my friends in and it really helped me  after that little did i know what was coming for me another process of grief was going to hit me and with that came losing my grandpa's brother who become my grandpa when his brother died and it came to a shock for everyone so now i have to relearn a new life without him a new process of grief and how to cope and reach out for support within my family,therapist and friends,and have people in my corner and the right support im well on my road back to recovery and while i struggled badly while in college i had to fight for my life and find my true friends and also transfer colleges and choose what clubs and sports i wanted to be apart of as a child i did gymnastics and swimming and ice skating i ended up only keeping swimming and gymnastics as a kid but going into college i only wanted gymnastics and mental health clubs and cultral clubs and singing and dancing cultural clubs which would help me fit in and help with my mental health. and be open with everyone about my struggle with a new diagnosis having the right support was importrant to me during this time ane taking time to understand  and also understanding the dark times i've had in the past and this year only makes me stronger and it could help others struggling in silence also and know that the dark times have lights at the end of the tunnel.As a mental health advocate and a athlete and student and someone who also is still in recovery i was also newly diagnosed with a new mental illness and how to deal with that and with transferring colleges i wanted a fresh start and a positive one at that and i had to learn how to stop people pleasing and listen to my heart and brain and gut.I also had to learn what my body wanted and needed and how to respond to hate and positive comments and how i could be myself and not use a cover of myself and what is healthy for myself and what is not and be more open as myself and as i'm moving on in life i just want everyone to know its okay to ask for help and its okay to go to therapy its okay to not be okay.I also learned that grades don't define me and i have a life outside of college life with clubs and sports and academics i also have a family life,advocacy life,college life,recovery life.At the end of the day i am human just like you all just because i work for a team,on a team,a college,student,advocate for mental health,on cultural clubs,ethnic clubs as well as cultural singing and dancing clubs,also shoot music videos doesn't take away from the fact im human  and i still have dark days and good days and sometimes i struggle sometimes with opening up and talking about it and when i do it helps alot for me and it shows i'm still human despite even if i do big things mental health is something that doesn't discriminate anyone and anyone can have mental illness issues or struggle the last two years in recovery has been hard for me and i've been asking for help and getting it and putting myself first if i need to and i still do my for me normal schedule even if its different from everyone else.also me including me i still struggle There are days this year that I was in a very dark hole and I went downhill mentally for weeks without asking for help because I thought I had it all figured out and didn't need anyone but my therapist. I was still bullied and I had to learn to speak up and say there was online bullying and other things going on I'm also a sensitive no jokes type of person and those things definitely is a part of me like body shaming jokes and mental health and being joked about i don't tolerate it because i understand it and been through it and dark humor is okay for me because thats how i cope.I also color and go to therapy and talk to people thats some ways i cope i also go on walks the same thing might not work for you everyone is different but loved.But trust me, ask for help and talk about your problems. As i grew up over the last couple months im still unlearning trauma responses and how to have a proper schedule and get enough food and sleep in my body and be open and that bad days make for even better days. I promise someone cares and will listen and help. i have my good and bad days and just because i do big things doesnt mean im not in recovery i still see a therapist and psych and sometimes tell my family and friends if i get nagged enough or they ask or if they see i'm not myself sometimes being nagged to talk or get checked out helps a lot sometimes we need that push. and as my life has been going on i struggled yet again while being overseas meeting family i was back at square one and learning how to listen to my body and mind and all i felt was defeat and having to restart recovery and going into my life i started having trust issues again and learning to cope again and who really wanted good for my life and accepting that i had to be medicated again and that's okay to be non medicine and not be ashamed and be open about everything and now road to recovery starts yet again.  I also learned that its okay to stand up for yourself and to not let people bully and walk all over you and to have boundaries in daily life and in work and to say something if something happened or if your struggling its okay to speak up and ask for help or talk to someone you trust.recovery isn't linear and having the right support can save ur life and also getting medically helped as well and speaking up if you are struggling and having good company and  like ur didn't mine and being open about our struggles and accepting you can't fight this alone and asking for help can change a life and save it be aware of people around you and check on people you love and it's okay to have people help you and taking medicine and making sure you are eating and drinking enough and having help doesn't mean your weak and things will get better like i like to say things have to get worse before they get better .At the end of the day it's okay to not be okay and it's okay to get help and be open about your struggles,i hope i inspired or opened your guys minds a bit.I also wanted to remind everyone one bad day doesn't mean a bad life keep your head held high.Trust me someone is happy your alive and people care about you and asking for help is okay and it's okay to not be okay and Thank you for listening to my story.I also wanted to say that grades don't define you and neither does your diagnosis.